Be your own hero

Ok.

So you want to know what the f**k has been happening in the life of Stephanie.

Ha ha ha welcome then to the chaos that is experiencing this lifetime.

Wow, what a time to be human. So much shit has been happening. I feel inclined to write in this manner. In this super real, authentic, edgy manner. I can do both. I can write in an academic, smart-sounding, educated way too. I can choose whichever totally dependant on how I feel in that moment.

This is something that I have realised recently and which I would love now to express to you, the reader.

You can, literally, be whatever the f**k it is that you want to be and if in the next moment you choose to be the exact opposite of that which you were, so be it.

I’ve encountered individuals come up to me and say “Where did the other Steph go. This you is different from the happy, vibrant, light, smiling Steph that we know. Your calmness is beautiful but what about your joy and energy?”.

Ok, fair. You may sense the difference if you are comparing my current state with that of a past one. However, can I not portray both energies? I am human after all and it is in my very nature to experience different emotions, vibrations and energies as they pass through my ethereal and physical bodies. Therefore, I acknowledge your point and perspective. I empathise with your confusion however, I believe that they are both ok energies to feel now and then.

Anyway, neither of those ways in which you perceive “me” are truly who “I am”.

Who I am is that which the energy passes through. The human part of “me”, the physical body which includes the perceiver, the mind, is the part that creates the energy into something perceivable. The truth of that which I am is the neutral zero, the ground point on which the energy lays on top of.

Ok cool. Now that I’ve expressed that piece of time into a beautiful play of words, I can let that goooooooooo. Goodbye for now energy which was caught up in a tangled mess. You have been combed out now and are free to move on to your next human/tree/ant/whatever.

---

Moving forwards, which is physically what I will be doing now over these next days, I am about to step out, once more, into the complete unknown by leaving the delightfully delicious comforts of Lisbon, Portugal and backpack/hitchike/whateverotherwordsthattriggermyparentsandfamily around Europe.

:)

I truly have no idea, that is zero idea, of what my “intentions” are for this.. journey lets call it. All I do know is that the heart is calling for this. For this wildly and ridiculous to my conditioned mind “adventure”.

Sorry mum.

Literally they are the words that come passing through my mind in this moment.

My mother, whom I love dearly and I feel inclined to mention that, absolutely is against this idea. Just as she was against the idea of me leaving Australia and heading to India. I really don’t see anymore the point of living a life lead by the mind made limitations that I have created due to not wanting to disappoint and upset my mother. F**k that. I love you mum, truly, but come on. I need to let go of your protection and your acceptance and your safety and your unconditional love.

I need to let go. F**k. I love you. Hear that. Read that. Know that as the absolute truth of this human’s lifetime.

She loves you.

Stephanie, the role that she plays and the human that she has been created into, loves you. Cool, but she also needs to learn how to love herself and accept herself and believe in herself fully and truly and not worry and be bothered about upsetting you. These are deeply subconscious thoughts that she has, she being me.. I can still break the 4th wall here and change the tense in which I speak, but yeah. Point is. I love you mum and I now will give my “self” that love too, more so actually.

Yeah, nice. That actually felt and feels really good to have released. Phew. It’s off my chest now, not that it was a thought that I was mulling over for some time. It absolutely wasn’t but now that I have chosen to write to express myself and relieve myself, it came up and wooosah, just like that.. it’s released.

---

Ok so let me be clear on one fact. I am aware of the.. reality.. of the world and the energies that float around. With this awareness, I can accept that there is light but, as with everything, it has it’s perfect opposite, that being darkness, floating around too.

I will use the present, aware, discerning, responsible characteristics that I have learned in this lifetime to my advantage on this endeavour. I intend to and will be wise in the decisions I make, sense out fully the people I allow in and trust and ask my guides, my highest self, the angels, the universe and MYSELF to protect, guide, support and love me through this.

I am ok. I am whatever it is that I believe I am and I believe I am a fearless, independent, strong, wise, powerful HUMAN.

No matter my gender in this lifetime, no matter my age, no matter any physical characteristic that you can perceive with one of the five senses, I am what I am and I believe in myself. I am love, I am light, I am.

Thank you for the loving energy I feel as you read this post. I believe you are sending me love, light, protection, and whatever else you choose to send me now in this moment and I accept it all into my light where it is safe to be. Come into the light whenever you feel, it is always here available to you. Right now, it’s here. Come, you’re welcome. You will be healed in this safe space and held.

Ok, cool. That is all..Thank you. So be it. Much love.

Steph xx

p.s. I’ll write more to keep you all updated on stuff when I next feel like it. I don’t know when that’ll be but it’s an intention. ciao x

p.p.s Upon reading the shit that I just wrote above, I can acknowledge that no where in there did I mention once what “has been happening in the life of Stephanie”. That’s cool though, obviously it isn’t necessary to ponder on specific past events that have happened. I believe the actual point is the emotion you experience and that whatever “play” is created that you attach to that emotion is purely there so that the mind can perceive it. The awareness that comes from the truth of that which we are is the part that sees the play as just that, a movie. The awareness allows you to distinguish between the maya, the veil, and the lesson that is calling to be transcended and healed.

To assist yourself in strengthening this awareness, find that which it is that works for you and do it often. For me, currently, it is to meditate daily. Minimum 40 minutes but ideally as much as I can. The meditation brings me into the precise moment. Meditation isn’t necessarily an eyes closed practice. I meditate eyes closed, yes, but I also meditate when I listen to you speak to me. I focus intently on your words and on your eyes. I listen from a place that actually doesn’t use words. That is how I’ve understood Portugese the past 2 months. No, I don’t exactly “know” what the elderly people that I have been supporting are saying to me. But yes, I do actually know exactly their intent. I understand fully. So, yeah. Focus. That’s the key.

p.p.p.s bye x